diary

• 18/11/2025
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• 17/11/2025
• im back in uni bc its monday, i was already on the train for three hours today bc i was at my parents for the weekend and lowk it was fine, im always scared when taking the train bc the public transport system is horrible here but it went okay mostly, when i got home i laid in bed for like one and a half hours and then got up again to go to the spanish linguistics class
• its also raining so everything is v pretty outsidebut i cant take pics bc i dont have internal phone storage.
• im still kinda stick, i caught smth and sunday evening i was full yout, while vistiting my friend who has (THREE) kids i felt so badddd and my dad has the same also i think but when i woke up this morning it was way better
• stil my like legs and upper back really hurts and my head feels fuzzy but its like doable and i think less when im sick
• i really dont understand anything in this class or i do but i cant speak spanish so when i get called on its a desaster every time. stillokay but mixed with my uselessness in understanding social clues and facial expressions and stuff its like not doable to participate bc we have to analyse all that stuff in the part of linguistics were doing. well anyways, im only here so i dont get an absence.
• i need to get food and stuff and i need to read up on stuff for my byzanz seminar tmrw and also i really want to lay in by bed and stare at the ceiling
• i miss jo even more, when we talked last night it kinda felt more like hes here with me bc i couldnt see and only heard his voice? idk how to explain it but it really didnt help in how much i miss him
• i really think ill fail y good half of the stuff im doing this semester and i rlly dont want to bro i just still cant bring myself to do work i dont want to do. and in the case of my spanish tareas its not even rlly bc i dont want to but bc its so hard and she like tears apart ever syllable i say which ig she has to so ill learn smth but im just scared, she cares sm about not having a german (or otherwise) accent and i can like barely string together sentences.
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• 12/11/2025
• im in my spanish class rn so i really shouldnt be on here but i have really bad cramps so i cant concentrate anyways but i lit forgot my handwritten writing work at home today so thats crazy, all that stress and in the end its not even worth it since i forget stuff anyways
• 11/11/2025
• what a banger date girl
• im so stressed bc of spanish and i have to like spend time in the library to pass the spanish class and im scared of that too since its a weird library, u cant take stuff there and have to like get a locker and also it is weirdly shaped, w different levels and stuff idk i just dont want to.
• 10/11/2025
• im feeling a bit insane, very chittery, and im not tired even though ive been awake until like half six, i did sleep after that for a bit until my linguistics class buttt i can tell whenm smth isnt right i think, its fine, im getting things done, i do have to use micromania episodes bc they happen so rarely and even tho i dont feel good its useful.
• im rlly scared of spanish b2 class like mf always idk why i do this to myself, i mean ik why, bc i wont get bafoeg any longer than six semesters so i have to be done at some point. still its not like i want or really need this degree, just want to keep studying and for that i have to get money which i can only get if i start a masters, i mean ig i could get money from my parents, they did plan on having to finance their (4!) kids education, or just break my no-contact to my (sexist, racist, homophobic, bigoted) grandfather, and his (very supportive of him) wife and he is like LOADED and does think education is really important (bc he thinks success is important) but i dont really want to do that bc of obvious reasons.
• anywaysss i didnt get any shit done on the weekend, but i watched a lot of atheist and philosophical theory vids on yt and was facetiming my bf likelowk the whole weekend so it was nice, also i slept a lot (apart from last night) so idk rest is still important, but also i dont think i left my apartement from friday eveneing to midday monday which doesnt sound great but is fine i think, i like my room :)
• friday was really nice, i met the girlies and we like caught up on each others lifes and gossiped a lot also we went shopping (shoplifting) which was cool, (even though men just ruin everything for me always ) but still v nice, w made kimchi later too
• alsooo i ordered glasses (from aliexpress) but i think theire gonna be fine since the reviews were all rlly good, and tbh why wouldnt they be, i would bet a lot on that, marco polo and like gucci and miumiu make their glasses in the same factories. also they were only 11 euro so thats so okay to take a chance on
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• 06/11/2025
• +im in a really good VL rn so i dont think ill do much of an update sorryy...
• +its about the byzantine history of ravenna, and galla placidia and her buldings like her mausoleum which very likely wasnt acc her grave but whatev
• +i still have a really shitty phone but its mostly fine, very anoying that my bf cant hear me when i call him since the microphone is very shitty and also i have like no storage but idk how to get a new one so ig ill have to live with it.
• +i was w my mushroom friend in ikea yesterday which was fun but i should really stop regularily stealing stuff, i dont think that bodes too well for me we did wonder if we could steal cute pink flipphones from mediamarkt so that might be worth it. the rest is worth it too but yk
• +there was some drama in my family
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29/10/2025
• +i am once again sititing in a spanish class and not understanding a lot but i think we are gonna watch coco at some point so thats nice lmao
• +i am once again feeling a bit insane so i think im gonna go to sleep early
• +i did get some stuff for uni done today but its just so much and its mostly stuff where i acc have to think and not just word vomit some random stuff, well, i did decide to go study smth which im not very good at, since i can not remember any dates or occurences ever but yk most of human history does have some interesting stuff happening so idk its still fun, i wanted to go to a north american literature lecture today but for some reason they didnt post the room it was in, idk why they are gatekeeping but i think maybr ill ask musdhroom girlies bf bc he studying anglistk maybe they dont want outsiders in there but id like to sit in it sometimes so maybe theyll let me?
• +i havent decided on a halloween costume yet, i dyed my hair yesterday? or the day before maybe? my memory isnt the best - anyway i dyed it blue and black and now i feel like i dont have many options anymore, i thought about going as corpse bride but i dont have like any white clothes at all so idk about that and i could just go vampire, i guess that would be easy but i just dont knoww, also im prob gonna be one of the only ones acc doing a costume or maybe not idk, but the people coming dont seem like theyre gonna. well anyways ill do what i want
• + it hink i maybe have to take another hot shower maybe ill be less stressed then but i really dont know. i wanna wear my headphones in the shower again but i think that may be a bad idea. hmm
• +also im watching another spanish series (this one is mexican and about a woman who is trying to find out who of a group of girlfriends that went to shool together is her mother, its fun bc the main charcter is kinda cool but idk it has a lot of jumpscareesque stuff) its kinda nice bc i can watch lowk trashy stuff and still feel like im studying, wt least when i dont turn subtitles on
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28/10/2025
• +damn seems like im acc writing consistenly here again, prob bc im in uni again and have a lot of classes where i dont really have a lot to do or idk i dont want to write stuff down, prob shouldnt but idk i dont think it would help me much, spanish is going to be even more exhausting bc theres a lot of stuff i have to do outside of classes, bu ti really have to do it and also pass it like really really, if i do everything just like that i think i might even be able to write my bachelors thesis next winter semester i dont think i have to, bc i do want to study longer than that but yk that would be so good to at least stay a little bit in the plan. anyways, studying and learning and stuff is fun and i want to do it as much in my life as i can
• +halloween is this weekend, and i wanted to go to a like weekend stay with my course, like my archeology people which i think is gonna be fun, even tho there isnt really anyone im really looking forward to spending time with, still gonna be fun i think, and the boyfriend of my mushroom friend is gonna be there, the rest i dont really really know or like, not that i know a lot about him but would be nice to get to know him more i guess, then i can spend more time w her, and he is sm who is very timid w people he doesnt know much, so i guess i should start on working to become one of those people, well anyways, im gonna care about my costume of this weekend, i also plan on taking all my fun makeup with me so i can make other people look costumey too, all about the aesthetic really, also maybe i get to knit together with another friend of mine there, she is always very involved in organizing these things so she prob will be busy, but yeah, idk i think its gonna be fun

• +the class im in rn is about the french occupation of algeria and the like stuff that is still happening bc of that, so yeah ig its interesting but a lot of it is in french and i cant speak it and barely understand it so im not comprehending that much
• +my mushroom friend is gonna run errands later and maybe ill come with her, we are shoplifting like crazy when we are together so um, idont think thats gonna turn out great, i mean not now today but in general, i like it tho and for like food stuff i dont think im gonna stop ever, its just way to expensive for me, but yeah idk we look innocent together i guess
• +i need to finish my spanish stuff today but lowk i also never really understand the tareas which makes everything so much harder and i want to make progress on my knitting stuff maybe ill just make it really chill and comfortable, i also want to make lentil soup also i really want to call my bf but welll, i did say i would leave him to his social stuff ill just ask him what hes doing
• +there is an old women sitting beside me i this class and like why are old people so loud even when they arent doing anything at all? and she just like openly was so angry about not being called on? like a toddler full on tantrum i mean no hate to old peple that want to study again but why cant they just be normal? shes also very maúch encroaching on my space? like full on stabbing her elbow into my arm and putting her stuff on my table, maybe im also just easly bothered.
• +i need a new charger very much bc mine both dont work, maybe ill still take the ones that are broken apart and try to fix them
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• 27/10/2025

• +im in my spanish linguistics class and i should really be paying attention but i dont feel like it. i think this class is going to be more fine zhan i thought tho, even tho its fully in spanish and im really not that good. the trajeras are okay not that hard really, we have to read like 30 pages inbetween the lactures but those are fine too i guess and theyre in english mostly so thats fine.
• +i was on the phone w my boyfriend until this morning (monday) so for the whole of sunday and like half of saturday which is insane, i mean for me its fine i think i would be home and like laying in my bed sometimes doing stuff like reading or crafting but he is like really social and yk outgoing usually so im very much standing in his way to the outside, and usually i dont feel that bad about that but yk when im standing btw him and the streets of athens i do feel very bad, esp bc he only gets me on the screen of his phone which is overheating from our constant video call. idk i do want to see him all the time but i want a bunch of things which i shouldnt indulge in so sorry if ur reading this, either for not taking your time or for taking your time
• +my lecture is lowk interesting now but still i just dont want to
• +i think bupropion might be working? my thoughts are more quiet i think and maybe its even easier to get stuff done? like i can force myself to do hard things? idk, im way more sad tho i think, like yk that depressing feeling that actually feels like its pressing down, impending sense of doom? idk i think i can live with that though
• +ill meet my mushroom friend tonight and maybe well do some arts and crafts, i like her room a lot but idk i also enjoy having people over
• +i hope my sister is doing alright, her job is very hard. she works on a farm and i think winters are also very hard
• +i have been knitting a lot and im nearly done with a pullover for my littelest sibling, (maybe ill post pics of it on here then) and i nearly made the body for my also little brother but hes way taller than me now which is insane to me like the pullover is gonna be so big and im like on the way to finishing it!! im stichting stuff on a hoodie for my sister, like embroidery, but figuring out the design is gonna be way harder, than the knitting since its hard to get it to be coherent. well, im just proud ive started w my christmas presents soo early
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• 24/10/2025
• +i am once again in the library and im stressing lowk even if i dont have that much i have to do. im starting on my presentation of the piazza di san marco in venice, specifically the colums they stole from the ruins of the hagia polyeuktos in istanbul, which is very interesting but also theres a lot of weight on my shoulders bc of it maybe ill make a site on here to save my sources and pics bc it has become a bit tiring to save all of my academic stuff by sending it to myself on telegram.ill link it hereif i made one.
• +summer has gone and fall (or autumn, how my (pretentious british) boyfriend would say) has really come here, but maybe im just thinking that bc there have been like storms all over europe i think and a bunch of leaves and like stikcs and stuff fell down on the street well whatever the leaves are yellow and red and orange so that means its fall
• +i cant really do like long calls w my bf anymore since my phone is absolute shit so idk what to do this is making me kinda sad.
• +also wellbutrin update, ive been taking it for maybe three days now (i just noticed that i forgot to take the lower dose of escilatopram to yk wean myself off today) and idk maybe im less stressed, ive been waking up early in the morning which is nice like without an alarm and stuff but idk if thats cnnected, what definetely is connected is, that ive been sweating like hell at night, a side effect i had like crazy when i was on sertralin, so idk lets hope it doesnt stay that way bc that was scary, also i had a really vivid dream last night which got scary in the end but was kinda okay before that so ig thats fine, ive been thinking that it may make my obsessive thoughts more? idk why, amybe ill try to find a study or paper on that. i think it will work, or at least i hope so, i think my jaw clenching may have gotten better but maybe thats also just me being hopeful..
• +omg i forgot to mention that my dad and my lowk stepmother (idk, feels that way tbh ) came and visited me bc i broke my new phone 8also forgot to tell u that oops) well hes crazy, every time i have a problem he just fixes it, immediately, and ven tries to explain every step to me, now that i think abput it he may have created and fueled (fuled? idk) my need to find out how everything works and yk general insane curiosity that would be nice, well he couldnt fix it so he took both phones home and im on my super old samsung rn which has no internal storage at all and also is super slow, its fine but also really annoying lmao. also its upposed to like withstand everything and be super tough but the display got cracked and everytime it falls on the ground the battery falls out but still i think its gonna hold up for long enough.
• + for the fact that i should have been working for the last hour or so (more like two) and ive done nothing but update my websites T_T its fine tho, i deserve to do fun things (affirmation lmao)
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• 21/10/2025
• +im in the library rn bc i have officially started full on w the semster again which is stressful ash even tho i rlly dont have to do much but i have a spanish class which will be very hard and my seminar in archeology will be harsh too but anyways i have a french class later and maybe ill go to like an introductory thing for my institute idk yet maybe my mushroom friend will come with me
• +anywaysss- i had a psychiatrist appointement yesterday and he wants to put me on bupropion (wellbutrin) which i think is gonna be good but idk and im kinda scared. anyways has to be better than the escitalopram i was on before which didnt really do anything just gave me a bunch of jaw clnching and stuff
• +whatever i should already be working for my presentation in january but i am really scared also and dont know where to start. ahhhh my prof is stressing me so hardd
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• 17/10/2025
• +to my massive amount of fans (prob just my bf ) who have been patiently waiting for an update, im very sorry buttt here it is
• +i dropped my phone while running to the tram yesterday and now its fully broken which is so annoying bc usually im like surgically attached to my phone but im on the phone (laptop) w my dad rn and hes literally coming over (drive is two hours) to fix it(get me a new one (idk why im abusing parentheses sm rn)) i mean yes theyre on their way to corsica or smth and im not that much of a detour but stillll idk what i would do without him in my life prob
• +i did some arts and crafts with my mushroom friend yesterday which was very fun even tho we basically scrolled tiktok in bed for majority of the time but thats not a con tbh, i used the little time i still had with my phone well
• +rn i still havent gotten out of bed and its already 10:43 (i had a class @ ten but i skipped it oops)
• +i have to go out and get (shoplift) some food but i dont want to get up bc im so comfycozy
• +but idk i should have smth when they come to fix my phone
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• 21/09/2025
• +i unpacked everythig from my moms bus today which was exhausting but now i have all my stuff right with meeee yay
• +i liked spending time with my siblings even tho my sister literally pushed my straight out of my own bed multiple times at night which is crazy bro
• +right now im again facetiming w my boyfriend who is in thessaloniki now (sorry for doxxing) and im so jealous he gets to be at the seaside and i dont
• +i couldnt fit in the bus with all my stuff so now ill visit my cousin by train fr tomorrow im so happy ill see her again we have so much to gossip about!!
• +were out of toilet paper and i want to go to the grocery store also just bc its a fun activity esp when i can rob them dry but its sunday so everything is closed :(
• +ill call my brother later, his birthday is next week and i want to know how hes doing bc he also just moved and started studying a bit ago
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• 20/09/2025
• +girl I have done sm today even tho I literally just had to get everything packed in my apartment and like get it into the bus my mom lent from a friedn
• +I immediately started doing stuff but the way I am just like a thousand random tiny stuff all at once it's a wonder I've finished everything
• +my mom was stressed as always and she doesn't want to take my stuff and like put it away until I need it again bc my new room is way too small to store all of it I mean she said she would store it but she's difficult sometimes and changes her mind very often sooo
• +well whatever I got everything loaded up in the evening so I only have to clean it fully until the end of the month which will be fine
• +right now I'm laying in bed in my new room beside my two youngest siblings and they're sleeping already tomorrow will be stressfull too idk where to put all my stuff there really isn't room here
• +I want to visit my favorite cousin next week so I think I'll go by train to her on Monday and hopefully have everything settled in until then, I don't want to cluster my room that much idkkk
• +I'm ready tired but I don't want to sleep yet bc I want to have some quiet alone time before another long and busy day
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• 19/09/2025
• +idk how to feel ab this day
• +woke up with no motivation to do anything and still very much bleeding and already midday but then I called my bf which was fun even tho the call quality was really bad since he was on a random train in Bulgaria, and he told me ab his nighttrain before
• +I got on my own train back to my old apartment while still with him on my phone which was fun even tho I'm sure we annoyed both trains
• +trying to take apart my bed frame failed miserably and anything else also kind of did and I have to have everything done by tomorrow soooo ig it's gonna be a long nicht or a shitty tomorrow, probably both
• +but at least I don't really feel that impending sense of doom kinda anxiousness anymore that has followed me since Monday evening
• +I still have a bunch of shit to do, (my bf just called me again and also be real went off why is sm tiff happening while I'm editing??) anyways let's lock back innnn
• +I fell asleep while still on call with him, idk it's good I like talking to him so much since we can't do anything else now really
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• 18/09/2025
• + i have literally done nothing at all today, woke up at half past seven from period cramps and then lay curled up for like two hours then i went to sleep again and slept with breaks until like mf half past two and then reported a bunch of white supremacy tiktoks which also didnt really add to my mood.
• +now im at the library and its already evening, idk i guess ill do some random fun stuff with my website and maybe prepare for next semester idk
• +yesterday evening was kinda nice tho, i read to my bf until he fell asleep (words of radiance by brandon sanderson) banger chapter(the first interludes) and also he is very cute
• +but really the neonazis are stressing me tf outttt idk maybe i should just stp interacting but its lowkey really interesting and also crazy sad, so many young people (obv mostly men) who just fully believe that jewish people are the cause of all problems and that they have to save the world by killing or enslaving everyone who is not a white man? thats crazyyyy
• +whateverrr ill stop again
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• 17/09/2025
• +i only went to ikea in the afternoon bc my friend had to write a paper but it was very nice i got a new plant and my mushroom friend too bc the were on sale and had a sign telling us to save them so we couldnt not take them, also i got some storage stuff :)
• +decorated my room a bit and put a poster of songbirds on my door so my rommates have smth pretty to look @
• + didnt do much other than that, made a banger salad with tortellini and then called my bf which was very nice
• + my fit was really good tho since i can now wear lipstick again without staining his face
• +i think im gonna make some tea now bc i have a kettle in my room now yaayyy
• +also i forgot but ive been listening the whole time to crimson rivers and sm happened mainly evan died which is crazy sad ("no one ever thinks to look up... until theres a sound")
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• 16/09/2025
• +i went to my old apartement today to get some more stuff, namely a small monstera and my kettle and tea cuz i have realized i cant live without those
• +then i also went to my psychiatrists office bc i had to give them my insurance card so they can prescribe me new antidepressants which was fine but also kinda annoying bc its in a random village between my new and old apartement
• +all in all a good day though, and tomorrow ill go to ikea with a friend of mine (the one that was a mushroom), im so looking forward to thatttt!! i hope i wont get that much stuff bc i rlly dont have space here
• +also ive been listening/reading crimson rivers by bizzarestars and its honestly so crazyyy evan is my absolute favouritee
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• 15/09/2025
• +my bf left this morning to go to athens im very sad about it but i am also very much looking forward to autumn and winter
• +i went to a gardeny themed party two days ago and dressing up was very fun *-* (I was a deer and my friend was a mushroom)

• +i looked at what classes i want to take next semester (probably a seminar on venice and ravenna yippii)
• + and i went shopping a bit because i had to bring him to the train very early and still had time
• + i miss him so bad omfg why is he so cutee

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• 31/07/2025
• +another library day but i even did a little bit, just documents and stuff
• +yesterday was really good tho bc he asked me to be his girlfriend :o (i cant believe it i'm so happyyy
• +need to do my laundry and pack my stuff for movin and my bag for corsica though
• +he'll leave soon tho bc he'll go to athens for his studies, i'm so sad ab it :/ but winter will be really nice anyway i think
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• 30/07/2025
• +still in the library bc i didn't get anything done yesterday
• +i'll meet up with friends to play games and read
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• 29/07/2025
• +writing a paper on the byzantine history of miletus
• +packing because i'll be moving soon yayy
• +hanging out a lot with someone
• +i'll go hiking in corsica soon :)